Sometimes the judge does have a sense of humour

Sometimes the judge does have a sense of humour

In July 2011, Kenton Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan was relieved to see that a case he was apparently dreading reach a settlement before reaching his courtroom. He refers in his order to the case being settled amicably, although there is a footnote indicating he is using that term loosely. Part of his order reads:

[S]uch news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory …

The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED [and] …

The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.